What am I looking for when the smoke clears at the Vatican today, tomorrow, next week, next year … or ever? I watched more than 100 men walk in perfect unison, hands folded in front of them as if they were gliding into submission, dressed alike in those flowing, expensive robes that hide a multitude of sins. They walked into the most stunning of chapels to vote God’s will—which, let’s face it, is most likely not their intention at all. I think they will vote based on connections and personal interests that have nothing to do with selecting a leader who will fix what is not working, but in order to support their own positions in the church, or the positions of those who stand ahead of them. Call me a cynic, but that is what we all think, isn’t it?
Okay then, let’s discuss God’s will. Huddle up Cardinals. I speak for many.
If there is a God, one can assume that he does not want the Catholic Church, or you representing it, or any other church for that matter, to allow his blessed children to be abused — and scarred for life — by the hand that is supposed to lead them to a greater understanding of that Godly voice inside us all. Is that a question in any of your minds sitting in the Sistine Chapel today?
You have spent thousands of years learning to hide your mistakes, your crimes, and those that should be in jail among you. You have never trusted those you lead to distinguish the difference between the men and the Word. If you did, you wouldn’t have to hide so many, many secrets. You would recognize that they will forgive you, and they will still believe because their faith in the existence of a God comes from somewhere deep inside, not because the likes of any of you prove it to them. I know this because I have many friends who are Catholics, and they believe despite you, not because of you. I wish I could believe the way they do.
I have been looking for God recently, ever since my mother died. I even joined a church in search of some answers that still haven’t come. But though I may search for answers, I do know a few things for sure. If there is a God, you men in robes have not served him well by hiding the evil in your ranks. And if there is no God, you have failed to serve humanity well, which may be an even greater sin. What to do, what to do, you ask yourselves? And, how can she think we are all the same? I think you are all the same because not one among you stood tall and spoke publicly against what has happened amongst you. Not one really spoke to the people. None of you have had God’s voice in this scandal that has ruined so very many lives. Not one. One hundred and fifteen of you. Not one.
Take off the robes, you ridiculous excuses for leaders, and put on your Big-Boy pants, and behind those closed doors let one among you — any one — stand up and speak the truth — that you have all failed. And who among you will stand up and clean up the carnage that lies outside the chapel’s stunning mural? Who among you will rise above the lowly standard you have set and wash clean the scars of those you betrayed?
When the smoke clears, let there be a new leader, one who believes that speaking the truth that owning your mistakes is the first step toward rectifying them.
Yes, I am an angry observer of you people. I admit it. I am angry that you think you are above the law, that you will hide your retired Pope behind your walls in Rome, where he will not be held accountable for the wrongs he has perpetuated and the evil he has condoned through his silence. I believe you are a lawless nation, with rules that bend to serve those in power, and rules that shackle those who follow you. I am angry that you will go through the silly motions of your ancient rituals without a shred of intention to execute the duty before you with honest grace, integrity, and spirituality.
Perhaps worst of all is that millions — yes millions — of people believe that you are in there doing your best. Just don’t for a moment think that I am one of them. When the stupid white smoke clears, each of you will be in front of the mirror alone. Ask yourself then whether you voted for the most Godly person among you? I dare you. Or better yet, prove me wrong. I have no problem admitting it when I am wrong. I could teach you how.