Water. $3.85 a bottle? Are you kidding me?

I was at the airport yesterday and bought a bottle of water at the counter near the boarding gate for $3.85. One bottle. Nothing but water in it. I actually looked in the bottle, held it up above my eyes to make sure there wasn’t a ring or something in the bottom. You know what I mean. When you buy the cereal and you get a prize at the bottom of the box? I thought at least there should be something like that at the bottom of the bottle.

My cheap friend Cathryn was with me at the airport.

“Why didn’t you bring a bottle from home?” She says things like that with the disdain of someone who never forgets that which she will have to pay more for if she doesn’t bring it from home.

The lady behind me said, “Even if she had she couldn’t have gotten through security.”

I was really grateful she said that because I had no legitimate reason why I didn’t bring a bottle from home. I hate flying and take many many drugs to get on the plane, I needed the water to take the pills. This was not an optional drink. No one wants me on a plane without drugs. It’s not pretty. My sister has the same fear of flying and she is maybe even worse than me. Let me digress a minute to tell you a story that will illustrate why you don’t want undrugged people from my family on airplanes.

Once she was on a flight from Japan to Kennedy. The weather was really bad and pilot got on and said he would decide whether to divert to Phili shortly. She was sitting in first class, stood up, turned around and said, “I vote we divert rather than land at Kennedy in bad weather. All those in favor, raise your hands.” She then turned to the stewardess (they were stewardesses back then, not flight attendants) and said, “The ayes have it. Please let the captain know we are going to Phili.” She wasn’t kidding. The pilot got on a few minutes later and said, “Despite the vote in first class, we will be landing at Kennedy…” My family is nothing if not leaders in transient communities.

Back to water prices. I do think that if you can’t bring water into the terminal, than the USA has to start selling the things you aren’t allowed to bring in through a kiosk at reasonable prices. Water. Contact lens solutions. Things like that. No tax on it. And, the country can make money.

I have many good ideas like this that could bring money to our government. Trouble is, they don’t seem to spend what we give them very well now, why bother to provide them even more?

But to finish up on the water, we really need to get a grip on this water thing. It makes us all look like idiots. Poland Springs is now dry you know. The water bottle now says, “From the waters of Maine.” What the hell does that mean? I really think there is a building and they turn on the faucets and fill up the bottles from the bathroom sinks. They then load them in trucks and sell them to dummies like me.

Water in a bottle should never be $3.85. Never. This is America, land of free people and water.

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