Boys, Sex & Sports. Not in that Order.

I have said for years that modern sporting events were inspired by the sexual yearnings of male folk who were looking for yet another way to score. After talking about it with a co-worker in the car the other day, I decided to step outside my normal “make no waves” approach to Freesia Lane’s musings.

My name is Christine and I think sports is all about sex and men. Or most sports, anyway.

Take a long stick—a very long stick—and hit the ball as hard as you can with the goal of getting the ball into the hole with as few strokes as possible. There are traps along the way to make it harder. The person who gets the ball in fastest—with the fewest strokes—wins. Alrighty then.

The ball shoots out between the legs of the Center, and the goal it to get it through to the end zone as quickly as possible, with as few plays as possible. All the men are there to protect the ball. Hmmm.

Take a long stick (but not as long as in golf), swing it as hard as you can, and get that ball to go as far as you can. The other guys are there to stop you from getting the ball to go as far as you can, and let’s face it, second base means more to a ninth-grade boy in the back seat of a car then it does to the team on the field. They even brought it out of the closet and related the bases to sexual foreplay—that is, getting to the final score with a person of the female persuasion.

It seems that it’s always about getting the ball in the hole, goal, or end zone as quickly as possible, with the least effort possible. Please don’t tell me you don’t see the correlation. And the other side or guy always wants to do it faster, more times, or with less effort. Or, they want to kill off the other guy. Sounds like cave man days to me.

It’s the sports invented in the past few hundred years that seem to have this issue. Tennis, for example, doesn’t seem to revolve around the sex drive. Today’s sports do not seem to resemble the Lion-versus-Gladiator events of old. I saw Gladiator, and it was about power and love, not sex. But football, baseball, hockey, basketball? It can’t be denied.

There I said it. I think it. I really do. Sue me.