Dear Bank of America

Dear Bank of America,

Let me get this straight. I put my money in your bank. Then, if I want to take my money out of your bank, I have to pay you $5? Really? Do you have a bridge in Brooklyn you can sell me?

I remember when they first started selling water in bottles, people thought it would never fly. And now that the Poland Springs have run dry and the label admits that the water comes from faucets in Maine, rather than from the Poland Springs, I laugh at myself for buying it. I want to write them a letter and tell them they didn’t put one over on me, that I realize it’s actually tap water from Maine, but I like water in bottles and choose to buy it anyway.

“So Christine,”  I hear you ask, “do you really mean that you don’t mind being an idiot as long as they know that you know that you are one?” The answer to that is yes.

But this is different. I am not going to pay you to give me my money. Nope, not happening. And I suggest you backtrack post-haste, Bank of America, before I take my business elsewhere. And while you are at it, please fire whichever Senior VP came up with this idea. The idea is not sound. If people stop using these labor-saving machines, you will have to hire a lot of additional tellers, which will cost you a lot more than the $5 you intend to charge me.

So save yourself some money and me my dignity and rescind this lunacy.

Thank you very much.