But Cheerios don’t stop there. They cure your heart disease. And, if you don’t have heart disease but you do have high cholesterol, they cure that. And, if you don’t have either of those maladies, no worries, Cheerios will start your day with oats, the cornerstone of our health pyramid. Let’s see, boys and two out of the top ten dangerous things to one’s health. Cheerios could be the best food ever.

But, we are not finished. I also received an email that had fun projects for the winter and one of them was to make a Cheerios bird feeder. Not only will Cheerios cure us, but birds need Cheerios too. This is all a lot of responsibility for one cereal.

So, of course, you know me, I had to go to the history of Cheerios. Cheerios was first produced on June 19, 1941 and is marketed by the General Mills cereal company of Golden Valley, Minnesota as the first oat-based, ready-to-eat cold cereal. It was called Cheeri Oats at first, later changed to Cheerios because of a trade name dispute with Quaker Oats. The name fit the “O” shape of the cereal pieces. In other words, Cheerios was the first fast food, possibly the beginning of the American health crisis. Hmmm. We are celebrating Cheerios today and not going to the dark side of things this early in the new year, so we won’t go down this road at this time.

I was with friends for New Years and had Cheerios for breakfast at their house. When I poured it out of the box, I got the prize inside. I was so excited. It was the cutest plastic hippo you ever saw with a little wheel on the bottom for easy rolling on the breakfast table. I used to love to be the first to open a box of cereal and get the prize inside. In our house, you were not supposed to search through the box for the prize, you were supposed to wait and see who got it naturally through just pouring out your portion. I’m sure this was the first setup by my parents for cheating between my siblings and me. This type of rule does not build joint cooperation.

There is actually a book out about the prizes in cereal boxes. It’s called Cereal Boxes and Prizes: 1960s – A Tribute and Price Guide. This just goes to show you that you can write a book about anything and someone might publish it. Apparently the coolest ever cereal box prize was the Captain Midnight secret decoder rings that must have been before my time, because I don’t remember them.

Anyway, back to Cheerios. I want to thank Cheerios for being so many things to so many people. For those of you who wish to become Cheerios aficionados, Cheerios is on Facebook and you can become a Cheerios Fan, not to be confused with a friend, who we all know might not work as it could be unfriended when you are sick of them and move back to Frosted Flakes. I’m glad we had this little Cheerios chat.

Apple has a new fabulous ad. Be sure and check it out if you are heading through the tunnel. And, then I see it. There is Jennifer Aniston staring at me, naked from above the chest area, saddled up with a bottle of Smart Water. She says something about being healthy with Smart Water. I look at her as I am sitting in traffic and decide I just don’t get it. I’m uncomfortable, and I realize I have never seen Jennifer in an ad before.

First, why is she always bare shouldered in every picture she does? Put a shirt on Jennifer. You look stupid, which I’ve heard might be the case. Second, you chain smoke. Drinking Smart Water is not going to help you when your lungs turn black, and if it’s making you smarter, then why are you still smoking? You drink a lot. I don’t recall any pictures of you with bottles of water in the media. 

Most importantly, why would I listen to Jennifer Aniston about what to drink to make me healthy? While she is a successful actor (I use the term successful generously. She is financially successful and certainly well known, but I have never seen her act at the level of Glenn Close, or Meryl Streep, or frankly, even Lindsay Lohan.). I do not understand why Aniston is someone whose opinion would sway anyone when it comes to buying something healthy. Maybe something that makes you thin and toned, but healthy? I don’t get it.

I got home last night, and because I’m a sicko who just can’t leave anything alone, I did some investigative work. Guess what? She owns a part of the company. This is the first endorsement she has done in America, and Smart Water said, “Jennifer believes in Smart Water so much, she invested in the company.” Let’s define investment. She gave them hard cash and is doing the ads for free? Not so much. They paid her and gave her shares for her endorsement would be my guess.

So, I’m sitting there thinking not only are they using someone who has nothing to do with health to sell the product, but in addition, there is no caveat at the bottom of the ad that says she has a conflict of interest as she is a shareholder. Isn’t that against the law? And if it’s not, shouldn’t it be? Jeeze, we are passing laws a mile a minute now in Washington, can’t they squeeze that one in and do us all a favor?

I never bought Smart Water. I don’t like marketing oxymorons. Water is not smart. And, the electrolytes they put in it are not smart either. I know when I buy water that I’m a jerk. Water is free and how stupid is it to spend a few dollars buying something free in a bottle that makes it not even healthy anymore? The jury is no longer out as to what happens when you put liquids in plastic. They become not so healthy. While they say you are fine if you store them in a cool place, I’m sure the trucks they travel in to get to the stores are anything but cool inside, so you are only fooling yourself. I know all this and still choose to buy water in plastic bottles. To say nothing of the number of plastic bottles floating around the environment. But I don’t pretend to be anything other than stupid, environmentally irresponsible, and non-healthy in my approach to what I put in my mouth.

I understand celebrity endorsements. Tiger Woods endorsing golf items? Makes sense. When he endorsed Buick, I was thinking, “Hey Tiger, I really don’t believe that you like Buick.” And frankly, it clearly didn’t do much good. In the end, Tiger’s manager put out a statement that Tiger would no longer endorse cars. Guess he got tired of driving a pile of junk, no matter how much they paid him.  

Ok, after they make the law that says you have to disclose your investment in any company you endorse, they could add to the law by saying you can only endorse products you really use. Jennifer could endorse Range Rover, cigarettes and Starbucks. Works for me. More importantly, isn’t it time for us to take a look at how we are manipulated in advertising? Individually? For our own good? The next time you are in the store, ask yourself why you chose that particular brand, and if it’s because Jennifer Aniston was naked with a crazy look in her eye holding up the bottle, put it back on the shelf and head for a water fountain.