Recovering Drug Addict & Pirate As Told To Chris “The difference between a thief and a drug addict is a thief will steal from you and deny it. A drug addict will steal from you and help you look for what’s missing.”
Chris asked me why I keep calling myself a recovering drug addict. She said that she felt I was more than that and I should find myself another way to describe me. I thought awhile and then decided I want to be a recovering Pirate.
It’s been awhile since I dated. A long while. The last time I dated, she died of a drug overdose and I found her. It was the perfect excuse to go off the wagon and I did just that with grateful abandon.
“The hole that was filled with drugs needs to be filled with something else.”
Let me explain. The hole inside – the painful hole inside – that drugs fill is very safe. You foreigners think it’s dangerous to do drugs, but it’s not at all dangerous for the real drug addict like myself. For if you don’t care ifyou die – and I really didn’t care, so many friends had died and seem to be ok with it – then filling the painful, aching hole inside with drugs has no risk that is scary.
You know you will feel better. You know what you will feel better with, and the good part is the drugs will never let you down (bad pun!). They are what they are. They do what they do. You know what it is and the high is exactly what
you want it to be. But then you get clean and it changes. You have to fill the hole, which will always be there, with something else. A woman. A friend. Caring about someone else. Getting a job that you feel good about. Whatever. But each and every one
of those things is very dangerous indeed. They can change at any minute and disappoint – no devastate – you. The girl can fall out of love with you. (Imagine that?) Your friend could die. Your job could be over; you could get fired or it could just end.
One thing is for sure. All good things come to an end.
Everyone dies in the end. Every great job changes and ends too. Every friend dies. You die. Drugs never die and that’s a strong motivation for doing them. What others do to feel good is dangerous. Drugs, not so much. So, I was telling my cousin Chris that and she said that all bad things come to an end too. Everything comes to an end. So why not fill up that hole with good things rather than bad? If all things end, tipping the scale toward the good means you will have a better life. She has a point. So, I have a date this weekend. The danger centers around if the date doesn’t go well. But this time, maybe this time, I will deal. And, by deal, rather than dealing in drugs, I will deal with disappointment.
Disappointment. Drugs. Double D.
Christine’s note: We are no longer friends, this ‘recovering’ drug addict and me. I came across this today while deleting old files and thought the story had such power. I just wrote what he said… CM