Dog University

I have a good new friend who is really, really busy. She has a number of businesses, a fab husband, two very small children and two dogs, one of whom died. Her to do list is like mine, longer than her life span. She has zero time for herself and takes care of way too many people.

So, the dog dies and  what does she do next? Three days later she posted on Facebook that she got a new puppy. Then she started Facebooking about how the dog was wrecking havoc in the house, not trained and generally making her tipping point of lunacy way too close to the line.

I immediately picked up the phone. She, of course was too busy to answer, so I kept redialing until she picked up. It’s an old trick when you really need to talk to someone and they don’t pick up. Generally I find that people always have their phones with them and they are screening calls, so if you just keep calling back they panic thinking something terrible happened and pick up. The only time this doesn’t work is if someone is in the movies, but I knew she was not in the movies.

Sure enough, on the fifth time she picked up.

“OMG, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, but I’m calling to save your life. But before I do, what is wrong with you?! You had to get a dog now? And, you had to get an untrained puppy? Are you truly nuts or what?”

“I know, I know.” She sounded exhausted, deflated, and generally in need of meds.

“Three words. I call with three words to save your life. Doggie Military School.”

“What?”

“Doggie Military School. Send him there right now. Twelve weeks later he comes back in perfect condition minus the uniform. Seriously, that’s the only way I would get a puppy.”

An hour later she called me from the car.

“I’m dropping him off but I feel guilty.”

“Guilt is a fabulous feeling; it means you are doing something for yourself instead of someone else. I highly recommend it.”

She hung up.

I talked to her a few days ago and she had just gone to visit her dog. They apparently told her it might traumatize him if she saw him, and she stood there for a minute and then told them to get the f)*^#@ing dog. I think it was like in Legally Blond where they go get the manicurist’s dog from the ex-boyfriend. They brought the dog out, she saw he was ok, put the guilt on the temporary shelf where it will sit for awhile and then headed out.

It’s eight weeks later and the dog is home, house trained and doing well.

Doggie Military School. I highly recommend it. And, if you know me and I call you, please pick up and save me the hassle of having to call you back.