Book Review: The Five Love Languages

In case you were wondering, the problem with your love life is that your partner may not be expressing his or her love in the language in which you need him or her to express it. And, all will be well in the love world if you just find out what your partner’s need is and do it. Thus says Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, how to express heartfelt love to your mate. I was at a business office yesterday talking to a co-worker. There on his desk was The Five Love Languages with a bunch of post it notes sticking out of it. First of all, if I chose to read this book (not so much), I would never bring it to the office and second, I looked at him with greater interest. A guy who is interested in better expressing love to his mate? Hm mm (spell check told me that is the way you spell hmmm. Who knew?). So, he explained the whole book to me.

Here are the choices you have for love expression that you can hear.

Words of Affirmation. “You are fabulous! Oh, my God, that is the most brilliant thing I ever heard. Every other girl pales in comparison to you!” I don’t know, I fear I would find that disingenuous. I’m better with, “Are you kidding me? What were you thinking?” Or, “Go in and change that outfit? Are you nuts?” I just feel so much more at home with that approach. Alas.

Quality Time. An hour a day, staring at me and all is well in the world. Doing something together every weekend will solve our problems. Could you limit the quality time to one hour increments? That might work for me.

Receiving Gifts. Speak not to me, no problem. Send me great gifts and I will feel secure in your love. Let’s see, I’m thinking Bill Gates? Not a touchy-feelie guy, but sure could send fabulous gifts? I have determined that I have too many things already. I am not great with thank you notes. I don’t know. This one just doesn’t move me.

Acts of Service. Give a girl a finished Honey Do list on the refrigerator door and complete it, and she will feel your love. That could work. My vision is he waits for me in the car downstairs, I get in the back seat and make calls while he drives me around. Do you think that’s what they mean?

Physical Touch. Max (not his real name, I need to protect him) looked up at me and said, “This doesn’t just mean sexually you know.” I looked back at him and said, “Only men would need that explanation. Physical touch to a woman never just means sex. You are such a boy.”

Ok, here is the thing. There apparently is no option for someone who needs all of them, or some of them. Could this be why I don’t do so well in long-term relationships? When I asked him about needing more than one, he looked at me like I was nuts. I get that a high maintenance girl like me might be more than he can handle, but are you telling me that this is a multiple choice with just one correct answer? And, what if you are willing to give all five, but would be bored out of your gourd if you had to repeat one of them over and over again during a fifty-plus year marriage? I realize that I tend to dissect a bit, I get that, but really? Does anyone out there actually think they would be satisfied with just one of the above? And, if so, I hope it’s the gifts one. Just kidding.

I am not buying the book, but I felt the need to share. The best part of it all was seeing it on a guy’s desk with notes sticking out of it. I hope his wife reads my blog. She should express her pleasure to him by touching his arm, handing him a new Rolex watch in a box, telling him she is washing his car this weekend, after which they will have quality time having a six-course dinner she is preparing herself (I’m sure he’d rather have sex) and then telling him that he is the greatest man to walk the planet.