Time Warner Cable. Or, it's all about them.

I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

I waited three weeks to get a much coveted appointment for Time Warner to come install my TV and Internet cable in LA. As you know if you follow my blog, I unabashedly love TV. Love it. So, having suffered through weeks of sunshine with no relief and thin – very thin – people who are inordinately cheerful, I was thrilled to get back to my old favorite; TV with dark titles and depressing, scary movies like Silence of the Lambs that make me feel New York safe.

You know where this is going.

He comes; nice guy. Tells me he didn’t vote. I explain to him that it would have been in his interest to vote for Obama who is the only one who really cares about him – the working man – and he heads on his way with my $20 tip. I tip really high for those who I think deserve it and have stopped tipping altogether for those who do not.

I close my blinds hoping to see if I can fool my inner self into thinking it’s cloudy outside, plop down on my new mattress, turn on the tube and start watching Harrison Ford wow me in one of this manly roles. Poof. It’s all gone and I’m looking at that bouncing popcorn. I’m not worried yet, but I don’t like the way the cable box is sort of blinking out of control like it’s trying to tell me something. Maybe something like, “not so fast New York City girl, not so fast.”

I call the 888 number and get a customer service rep. I will do my best to convey the highlights forthwith.

“Well, you need a technician. It’s not working.” I would just like to say right here and now that whenever I had trouble with cable in New York they always fixed it on the phone.

I mention to the customer service person, Rosie (yea, and my name is Natalie) that since I’m a lonely personage in LA and they just installed it, I’m sure they can get someone right over because this is LA, land of famous actors who clearly don’t wait in line for customer service from Time Warner for two days if their TV goes on the fritz. Obviously there is someone on call 24/7 in case Jennifer Aniston is home drinking her water company’s tap water, smoking cigarettes, and watching Brad on Turner Home Movies.

“Well, here is the thing. I can’t reach the man who installed it. We subcontracted the job out to him and so he has to be the one to come back, but we are going to try and reach him and see if he can come tomorrow. We’ll call you tomorrow and let you know.”

There was about ten minutes of continued talk with her and then another few minutes with her fabulous supervisor, Linda (yea, and I’m Michelle), and then I thought I should sum it up for Linda, or Jeffrey Dahmer’s sister, or whomever she  really is.

“So, long and short, Linda, is the following. I contract with you to do my TV connection and because you subcontracted it out and he messed it up, I need to sit home – possibly all day tomorrow – because you won’t give me so much as a two hour window as to when you are going to call and tell me if he can even come tomorrow. And you can’t put me in the system for a real appointment on Monday because my name isn’t Jennifer Aniston, so I got the second string, and we don’t know when he can come or when we will know if he can come. But you will not give me someone else because the loser guy got it wrong. Makes perfect sense to me. Listen, Loser Linda or whatever your name is, let’s get one thing straight. Check my blog on Monday and read about your soon to be famous self.” That really got her on my side.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” But, sadly it was.

She started to choose her words more carefully (I’m sure it was the blog reference) but wouldn’t budge. Not an inch.

So, I am writing this on Saturday night and going to publish on Monday morning, we’ll see what happens tomorrow when and if they call. I have cancelled all my plans tomorrow (I actually did have some) and will wait with baited breath by the phone in hopeful anticipation that the subcontractor of my contracted work with Time Warner can fit me into his busy Sunday schedule. Stay tuned.

Sunday night.

It’s simply too upsetting to say that I waited until 11:30 a.m. to call and was told that I’d cancelled the appointment for today. Suffice to say that TV is for nitwits anyway, and I’m glad I can’t watch it. This is coming from a place of giving to those less fortunate than myself.

I’m sure I will have cable. I’m sure I will forget this pathetic experience, but I do want to note that customer service really needs to be re-evaluated across the land. It’s not about the company; it’s about the customer, and sadly many of the companies that don’t need your business continue to ignore it.