I Could Have Been a Singer

I have never met anyone who has heard me sing who has said anything other than, “Are you kidding me?” Sometimes, they get really serious and say things like, “Christine, do not ever sing out loud again. Not even in the shower.” I have always felt they were jealous. I know I can carry a tune and love to sing. I think I’ve even mentioned that I sing concerts in my car, where I am in my mind’s eye singing for thousands of people, raising money for world peace. I sing loud when singing for world peace.

Sometimes when I’m driving and listening to the SIRIUS ’70s station, I turn on my iPhone microphone and tape a part of the song playing so I can go back and remember to download it into my iTunes. This morning, I was driving in heavy traffic to a breakfast meeting, and Laughing (by The Guess Who) came on the radio. I turned on the tape machine in my phone and started taping it. I decided I would do my very best to sing it and then listen with the impartial ear I’m not known for having to see if there is any merit to the comments about my voice. Listen

So, I get to breakfast and at the end of our meeting, I play it for my friend. She starts laughing and forwards it from my phone to hers. “My office has to hear this.” The men in the next booth ask if it’s a joke, and I start to get a little irritated.

“You know I was driving and didn’t have my full attention on what I was doing. Road safety is a priority for me,” I whined.

“This is the funniest thing I ever heard, and I’m not kidding.”

I left in a huff and went to my office where a client who has perfect pitch was working with a co-worker. I asked everyone to come in and listen. The resulting snickers, out-and-out laughter, comments such as “Do not give up your day job.” Or, my personal favorite, “I hope you never sang Sarah to sleep,” really hurt my feelings. Nice, very nice.

So, I e-mailed it to two men I work with on the West Coast. Here are their responses.

“I just strangled myself.”

“You surely should be fired.”

When I got home my friend from the diner, who insists on being nameless, e-mailed me an audio of her singing in the car on the way home. Listen I listened to it and got very excited. Jan and Dean. Simon and Garfunkel. Sonny and Cher. Come to think of it, we could be the first girls duo singers for sure. I called her and told her. She hung up on me. So, I called another friend who can’t hang up on me because I’m always there for her. She told me to get a good night’s sleep.

I am really hurt. Part of me is not kidding. I sing all the time. When I call my friend Claire’s house, if I get the answering machine, I sing my message. “Hello it’s me. I’ve thought about us for a long, long time…” or “Call me, don’t be afraid, you can call me, maybe it’s late, but just call me.” She has told me the whole family stands around the machine listening and laughing. Sometimes when they are home and they see it’s me, they don’t answer so they can listen to me sing for awhile before picking up. While I always knew they were laughing at me, it never occurred to me they were laughing because of my voice rather than the cleverness of singing my message.

This is very disappointing. I will find other things to focus on and let it go. I’m out of people to solicit opinions from, and since I’m batting a thousand on the ‘stay away from music’ responses, I guess I will have to face the music, so to speak. That said, if you want to know who the other singer is, e-mail me and I’ll tell you.