Halloween Angst

old-jack-o-lantern-832x468It’s Halloween, and I’m starting to stress all over again. Last year you might remember I had to contend with my neighbor’s “Look at me I’m so cool” décor, which ultimately made me want to move to another neighborhood. And now I’m going to come clean about the rest of the Halloween issues that trick me every year.

Okay, let’s start with the candy issue. Did you know that $7.9 billion is spent on Halloween every year? I’d love to see the breakdown of how much of that is for candy. Speaking of which, let me tell you about my candy issues. Every single year I say I’m going to buy candy I don’t like so I don’t eat it. Yep, every single GD year. And each and every year I buy Reese’s Cups, which as you may have guessed, is my favorite packaged candy. (Unless of course I’m at the movies, where it’s Butterfingers Bite-Size. That always puts me in a bad mood because they only put about eight pieces in a box that looks like it holds twenty, and I realize they’ve once again played me for the fool I surely am. But I digress.)

So I buy the Reese’s Cups, and sure enough, I usually have to go back and buy them again because I’ve eaten them days before the big event. Really Christine? You are a grown up, you say? Seriously?

Then, on the night in question, I realize I don’t want to pass out candy to kids in the neighborhood, so I plot how I can look like I’m not home. This is not a joke. I actually turn out all my lights and test my visibility by putting my iPad down and going outside to see if the light shows at all from the street. Once I’m satisfied that it doesn’t, I huddle in my darkened home sweet home, with an elevated heart rate and tremendous guilt over my un-American attitude toward a holiday that really is a lot of fun for those who partake in it. “Why don’t you just put the candy out on a large bowl on the front stoop?” I hear you ask. F you and the sane horse you rode in on. I don’t know why I don’t. I think it’s because I think people in the neighborhood will call me unfriendly. Now, keep in mind I have lived in my house for five years and never once spoken to a neighbor or even waved pleasantly when driving by, so I think they already know I’m unfriendly.

I’m done. This is why I have such trouble with Halloween, and I swear this year I’m not buying one bag of anything. I’m going to go out to dinner and a movie rather than huddle like a criminal in the shadows of my own house.

So, happy All Soul’s to you all. Bah Halloween Humbug.

Nasty Women

Over the last ten days I’ve watched Michele Obama blossom as a speaker giving voice to that feeling inside so many of us for so very long. Stronger than the Versace gown she wore at her last State dinner (was that fabulous or what!), she stood tall in New Hampshire (not a state that has been particularly supportive of her or her husband) and spoke about assault on women. Not the kind of assault that

Continue reading…

My Back Pages, Politics, & Bob Dylan

My country is falling apart. Hatred seeps in from all corners. And, today Bob Dylan wins the Nobel Prize for Literature. And hope springs eternal again. Or at least that is my hope.

Watch these greats; George Harrison, Dylan, Tom Petty, Eric Clapton and more, celebrate the music of one of Dylan’s best. Who knew the words from that tumultuous time would resonate so loudly now? And let’s hope, no even I can pray, that

Continue reading…

My Uber Rating Obsession

I didn’t even know Uber drivers rate their clients until I was told by my daughter, Sarah (about whom I am not allowed to blog). I’m not sure how it came up, but I was intrigued. She put her fiancé on the phone and he walked me through the process of finding out what my rating is.

“Oh, I see it now,” I said when I finally understood. “My rating is 3.68. Is that good?”

Continue reading…

Debbie From Dunkin Donuts

I live on Cape Cod when I’m not traveling for business, which is at least half the month. I grew up coming to the Cape in the summers. My mom was raised here as were sixteen prior generations of our family, so it’s in my DNA. I feel connected to the earth here – really more like sand I guess – and when I’m on the Cape I’m calm and grounded. That said, my social

Continue reading…

Lost Friendship

I always knew she believed those things that she never said. There were signs. There was a dinner party for twelve at my apartment with H2 (husband #2) in the mid eighties and AIDS was just becoming a topic of dinner party talk. The left wing international set around our table were all talking about the horror of it, and about the long-term possibility of the annihilation of those we love. You have to have

Continue reading…

The Opinion of Strangers

We are funny ducks, we human beings.

We play games, thinking we are fooling the world. But the world couldn’t care less, and doesn’t even notice the lengths we go to in order to appear the way we wish we were but aren’t.

Examples abound:

I love Maltesers—those malted milk balls from England that melt in your mouth (don’t judge me). My cousin Louise, who is British, loves them as much as I do. When

Continue reading…

Bernie Sanders Supporters

Much depends on Sanders’ supporters putting their big-boy pants on and throwing all that energy behind the fairly elected nominee, Hillary Clinton. If they do, and if a bridge can be made between their agenda and Hillary’s, then I think she can beat Trump in November.

I remember Hillary’s tears during the 2008 New Hampshire primary, when the sure win she thought she had began to slip away. Her fear came to pass, and the

Continue reading…

Considering Hillary

A note to women in their twenties and thirties.

Hillary. I am not a fan. Never have been. But truth be told, I don’t have to be a fan to vote for someone. I have to believe that they are capable of doing the job … and doing it better than the next ‘guy.’

I have spoken with a lot of young women in their late twenties and early thirties and they are not for

Continue reading…

Memorial Day Responsibility

I love my country’s holidays. Memorial Day. Fourth of July. Bob Hope’s Troop Specials in the late 60s. I love crying with pride and sadness over the sacrifices made by my fellow countrymen for the safety of our country’s citizens. I love reminding friends and family to vote on Election Day. I love the episode of The West Wing in which Crosby, Stills, and Nash sing My Country ‘Tis of Thee. I love my country.

Continue reading…