A Drug Addict's Random Thoughts ... as Told to Me.

Recovering Drug Addict & Pirate
As Told To
Chris

“The difference between a thief and a drug addict is a
thief will steal from you and deny it. A drug addict will
steal from you and help you look for what’s missing.”
Chris asked me why I keep calling myself a recovering
drug addict. She said that she felt I was more than that
and I should find myself another way to describe me. I
thought awhile and then decided I want to be a recovering
Pirate.

downloadIt’s been awhile since I dated. A long while. The last time I dated, she died of a drug overdose and I found her. It was the perfect excuse to go off the wagon and I did just that with grateful abandon.

“The hole that was filled with drugs needs to be filled with something else.”

Let me explain. The hole inside – the painful hole inside – that drugs fill is very safe. You foreigners think it’s dangerous to do drugs, but it’s not at all dangerous for the real drug addict like myself. For if you don’t care ifyou die – and I really didn’t care, so many friends had died and seem to be ok with it – then filling the painful, aching hole inside with drugs has no risk that is scary.

You know you will feel better. You know what you will feel better with, and the good part is the drugs will never let you down (bad pun!). They are what they are. They do what they do. You know what it is and the high is exactly what
you want it to be. But then you get clean and it changes. You have to fill the hole, which will always be there, with something else. A woman. A friend. Caring about someone else. Getting a job that you feel good about. Whatever. But each and every one
of those things is very dangerous indeed. They can change at any minute and disappoint – no devastate – you. The girl can fall out of love with you. (Imagine that?) Your friend could die. Your job could be over; you could get fired or it could just end.

One thing is for sure. All good things come to an end.

Everyone dies in the end. Every great job changes and ends too. Every friend dies. You die. Drugs never die and that’s a strong motivation for doing them. What others do to feel good is dangerous. Drugs, not so much. So, I was telling my cousin Chris that and she said that all bad things come to an end too. Everything comes to an end. So why not fill up that hole with good things rather than bad? If all things end, tipping the scale toward the good means you will have a better life. She has a point. So, I have a date this weekend. The danger centers around if the date doesn’t go well. But this time, maybe this time, I will deal. And, by deal, rather than dealing in drugs, I will deal with disappointment.

Disappointment. Drugs. Double D.

Christine’s note: We are no longer friends, this ‘recovering’ drug addict and me. I came across this today while deleting old files and thought the story had such power. I just wrote what he said…  CM

Focus & My Ex Husband

Much is written about being in the moment, whatever that means. I had an epiphany today. It’s not just about being in the moment; it’s about turning moments into habits. Let me explain.

Someone for whom we were writing something mentioned that she has her Saturday “Mommy–Daughter Day.” She doesn’t plug in on Saturdays; she and her daughter plan a full day together. and it’s written in stone, or blood, or whatever ink is used

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Bayley: Well Trained Terrorist

I’m pretty sure Bayley is being trained by the Taliban at night to be a terrorist. It’s really the only possibility because during the day, she is constantly with me, so there is no other access to her. They have taught her well.

She never strikes in the same place twice, so when you have protected the vulnerable location where she previously struck, she moves on to other locations along the perimeter. It’s really quite

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Abraham, Martin & John

Martin Luther King Day.

There was a song from the sixties, Abraham Martin & John, that personified the racially-charged times in which we lived back then. I used to listen to it over and over again. It occurred to me this morning, Martin Luther King Day, that it points out what is possible when leaders step forward to help us rise to our best selves.

My generation is really lucky. We have lived and watched

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Three Wise Men?

When I leave my house to go anywhere this holiday season, I drive by the Nativity scene set up in East Hampton. It’s the baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the three wise men, a shepherd (maybe two) with some sheep, and a few other men who don’t seem to be of much use at all. Whenever I glanced over, I experienced this uneasy feeling, like I’m missing something or something is out of place. I

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My iPhone X

I recently purchased the new iPhone X. I mainly got it because my other iPhone wasn’t holding its charge, but in addition, the photography capabilities of the new iPhone X were something of a turn-on to me. So I ordered it and will pay an additional $15 per month for the rest of my life to pay for it. Whatever.

So now I am using the phone, and let’s just say, I am not a

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#AndThenThereWereTwo

Today my sister Leslie is having an operation and I will be sitting in the waiting room contemplating my navel while the surgeons fix what has been broken for a long time.

We were not a close family, that band of five that moved fifteen times to ten states by the time I was sixteen. Actually, much of the time, we didn’t even like each other. Our fights were big, lacking only in physicality. We

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The Benefit of Donald Trump

I have friends and family members who voted for Trump. Yes, I realize you are shocked, but it’s true. I have pondered this fact a lot over the past year, and I’ve figured out some things. My friends and family members who voted for Trump fall into three distinct categories:

Uneducated Self-serving Fed up

Meet the Uneducated.

When my Trump-supporting family members are asked why, they cite all kinds of reasons, not one of which

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Me & Harvey Weinstein

There were four ten-year-old girls playing in a field in Bosnia in the early nineties. A Serbian jeep pulled up with four soldiers in it. The soldiers got out of the jeep and called the girls to come over, in a strong soldier kind of way. Three of them stepped toward the men. Their obedience was immediate. It was a reaction to years – generations, actually – of men telling women to do something, and

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God Bless America ... I Think

I have had dark moments in my life – moments of true impotence, moments when I realized the future was beyond my control.

The day Nixon resigned, I was at a Catskills resort straight out of Dirty Dancing. They wheeled in a TV to a sea of left-wing New Yorkers who cheered with glee while I stood in the back of the room silently weeping, because I just couldn’t believe that a President of the

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